Faith

Now that I've got your attention...

What is faith?  

Dictionary.com defines it as:
1. confidence or trust in a person or thing
2. belief that is not based on proof
3. belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religion
4. belief in anything, as a code of ethics, standards of merit,etc
5. a system of religious belief

Normally when one goes to the dictionary to find meaning the first definition is the one that provides the answer.  But not in this case.

For me, today, faith is defined as commitment.  

Let me explain.  

I know God.  I've known him for years.  We've been through quite a lot together, good and bad.  I've seen enough that I don't think it would ever be possible to deny him.  To convince myself that he does not exist is inconceivable. I have faith (definition #3.)  I attempt to live my life in a way that pleases him.  I have faith (definition #4.)  I spend countless hours of my life, within the walls of one of his churches pouring myself out for his sake.  I have faith (definition #5.)  I believe in something that can not been seen with merely our eyes, but with our hearts. I do not have the ability to convince others of this existence with physical proof that can not be argued against, and yet based on my own personal experiences I still believe.  I have faith (definition #2.)

That leaves definition #1: confidence or trust in a person or thing.  The last few months have been rough for me.  Physically, Emotionally, Spiritually.  I have been through more than I felt I would be able to handle at times and yet here I am.  Struck down but not destroyed.  My confidence in God is shaky at best some days.  I acknowledge that my situations could be much much worse, but that doesn't make the reality of my current life any better.  I'm weary, angry, hurt and wounded.  

I have recently been comparing my relationship to God with that of a marriage gone sour.  It's rocky, not fun, difficult and painful.  I see the satisfaction in throwing in the towel, walking away and moving on (although I have no idea how that would work.)  Some days I want to give up.  Some days I want to scream at the top of my lungs till the blood rushes to my face and I see red.  Some days I want to cry.  Some days I wan to warn others of the harsh reality of a life of faith.  So why don't I?  One word...

Commitment

Today my faith is defined by commitment.  I'm committed to trusting even when I don't understand.  My trust may be small almost to the point of nonexistent at times, but it is there.  Trust that God can still heal, trust that God will still provide, trust that the work God began he will see through to completion (definition #1.)

Faith