My Voice

Tonight someone told me that my voice was so beautiful that they were excited to have me in their house. Seriously! It seems sad to me to be excited about something like that. Are you that musically deprived that me being in your house raises the musical goodness!?!

Besides, my voice if not that special compared to some. It almost made me feel like i had this weird sense of celebrity, which I was not comfortable with. Over the years I've become better at receiving compliments about my voice. I've even gotten to the point where I will acknowledge that it is a good voice, but tonight's comment made me really uncomfortable.

Embarrassing Moments

Recently, a blog I follow has been going through the writers 5 most embarrassing moments. They are some of the most hysterical stories I've ever read. Thank God they didn't happen to me.

(if you have time and want to laugh you should check out

The Ranting Housewife.)

It has made me think, what are my most embarrassing moments? I've thought and thought and the reality is, I can't think of one. Now I'm sure that there have been things that have embarrassed me. I mean my mothers very existence embarrassed me through most of my teen years. But I can't think of any stories where I was "hide my head in a hole, find a cave to die in, change my identity, embarrassed."

I've thought about this for a few days, and the reason is...I've never let myself. Yes that's correct. I've never let myself be embarrassed. Because in order to be embarrassed you have to be noticed. People have to know your existence and I have spent most of my life trying to blend into the wall and go unnoticed. Yes, I am a musician and have spent my fair share of time on stage but then I always felt like I was hiding behind the music. All my life I have hidden behind things. Why do I do this?

Why am I so insecure that I don't want to put myself out there and be venerable? What am I so afraid of. I need to stop hiding, stop trying to order my life in such a way that everything goes as planed and nothing is left to circumstance. I want to be this way. I need to let people notice me, because I actually believe I'm worth noticing. SO... no more hiding behind my music, my friends, my organization, my busyness, or my commitments.

So something embarrassing might happen, who cares, it'll make for an amazingly funny blog post someday!!!

School's Back in Session...

Yup, So school has started again, which means free time has become non-existent. I will say that I am handling it better than last year. Hardly any take home work so far and I've been leaving semi on time which is awesome! The problem is, I'm exhausted. I've been desperately trying to stick to my 10:30 bed time which is the main reason for my lack of posting (since most of those usually happen around mid-night.)

So here's my issue...housework and stuff! How do people get this done and still sleep!?! I've been walking through the door between 6 and 6:30 each night which means I have about 4 hours to get things done and go to bed. So I eat dinner, do dishes from said dinner and from lunch, prepare lunch for the next day, clean the litter boxes (2 of them,) lay out clothes for the next day. Then there are some nights when I have to pay bills, do laundry, fold laundry, vacuum, empty the trash, etc.

When is there time left to enjoy life!?!

I mean it's so depressing to think that my life consists of working and doing chores all week. Cause then the weekend comes and I only have 2 days to fit everything else in. It sucks!!! And I'm single!!! How do married people do this? How to mom's do this? When is there time to do anything. The best question is...how do working mothers do this!?! This thought in unfathomable to me! It just seems impossible.

Am I just a slow worker. Does it take me twice as long to do things then the average person? How do people just go home and relax at night!?! When do they gets things done? Do they just live in filth? How does this work!?!

Another one of life's unanswered questions. (at least for me!)

9-11

So today everyone is remembering where they were 10 years ago today.

Here's my story...

I was working at an insurance agency at 69th street. One of the broker's fiancee lived and worked in NYC (not at the twin towers.) The phone rang a few cubicles over. You could hear in his voice that the phone call was serious. He kept saying "what!?!" over and over again. It was a short call, maybe only about 3 minutes. He hung up the phone and immediately told the office that a plane had just hit one of the twin towers.

This was before anyone new, before we new it was a terrorist attack and not just an accident, before it was on the news...before everything changed.

About 5 minutes later the boss had his TV on and it finally made it to the news. We all took turns cramming into his small office to watch. Then the second tower was hit. We now knew this wasn't an accident. By this point my co-worker had lost cell phone connection with his fiance but felt a little less nervous knowing she was several blocks away.

The next several hours...days...weeks are a bit of a blur. Something huge happened, something shocking, and something life changing for everyone. The thing that blows my mind about this experience were the 10 years after. I know how much my life has changed. 10 years ago I was working a job that I had gotten through a temp agency. I was not a teacher, I had no idea that I would one day be teaching blind and deaf students, I was a college drop out, and had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Over the past 10 years I have moved 5 times, I have re-started school and graduated...with honors. I have gotten a job, a job that I feel I'm supposed to have. I have grown as a person, a teacher, a musician, and a leader. I have witnessed my family welcome a husband and a wife into our crazy clan (then later we said adios to one of those spouses.) I have 2 new nephews (and a puppy niece.) I have watched friends get married, have children, get divorced, move away and move into fun and exciting adventures in their own lives. But the interesting this is that through all of this, I can remember 9-11-01 like is happened just weeks ago.

Today we've all heard stories of people and their 9-11 experience. We all have them. The metaphors for this event are so numerous. Many of us have had our own "9-11 events." Things that have happened in our own lives. Tragic things. Life changing things. Thing that we will remember forever. Many of us have our own "ground zero." A place in our hearts that we have been excavating debris, remembering what was in our past and using it to strengthen and support our future. We each have a story to tell. We each have something that will impact our future. No matter what our lives look like in the past and in the present, it is our whole life that impacts our future and makes us who we are today.

Who are you?

THIS IS WAR!!! (Mortimer: once the optional name of a mouse. Irony!)

About a month ago a mouse ran through my kitchen. Ew. It had been raining. Mortimer chased it. I never saw it again. I figured it left. I have never before, nor after that event seen evidence of a mouse having been in my home. I figured the rain forced it in and then it left when the rain stopped.

Last night I saw a mouse in the Kitchen again. It went up to Mortimer's bowl. He and I both noticed the little rodent at the same time. He got off the couch and immediately it ran into the laundry room. (I'm assuming it's getting in and out from somewhere in there. Lots of options with pipes, dryer vents and hot water heater.) Mortimer seemed to care less about the mouse, he was more concerned with it steeling his food. He stood guard at his food bowl for the next several hours. I on the other hand ignored it all together. I figured it would again leave and that would be the end of it.

Then when I was going to bed last night I heard one in the wall between my bedroom and the bathroom. It was scuffling around. Making all kinds of noise. Mortimer kept going into the bathroom and staring into the HVAC vent. OK so I must have a mouse problem. I hate traps. I hate killing animals. I always just hope they will leave. I'm not one of those people to completely freak out when a mouse runs through so no big deal. A friend of mine commented that it's weird that a moth will send me running like an idiot but a mouse doesn't bother me.

It just doesn't. Well at least it didn't. Until tonight!!!

I'm laying in bed, almost asleep after a very long day. I'm sleeping with my arms above my head. It was one of those miracle nights where almost as soon as I layed down I could feel myself settling into a nice sleep. Then suddenly I feel a little something on my hand. At first I thought it was Mortimer but then I realize Mortimer doesn't come up to the head of the bed. (I have him trained to stay on the comforter so I don't get cat fur on my sheets and then inadvertently stuck to my face in the night.) I quickly realize something is wrong.

I sit up, turn the light on. Could it be that a mouse was just walking across my hand...while I'm laying... on my BED!!!!! EWWWW!!! I jump up. How do I know. I look down for Mortimer. He's standing on the floor by the bed, in full on Stalk mode! All of a sudden the mouse runs out from under the bed. The hunt is on!!! I am no longer apathetic about this evil creature. I'm disgusted. Mortimer is at it, chasing the thing all over the room. (He cares now too!) EWWWW!!! It was just crawling on my hand!!!! I'm so grossed out, and wide awake now!

I have relocated to the couch. I'm not sure why but in my creeped out mind the mouse in less likely to crawl on me on the couch then on my bed. Mortimer is at it upstairs doing his job like a good cat should. I've changed my pillowcase since a mouse was just running over it. I've washed my hand (although I feel like I should have used steel wool on it and it would still feel dirty!)

Tomorrow traps are being purchased.

THIS IS WAR!!!

food for thought

I once heard a great quote from a friend of mine (actually the quote came via his wife but still, lets give credit where credit's due.)

"Your job doesn't have to be your calling, but it can pay for what you're called to do."

OK so this might be more of a paraphrase because I can't remember exactly how it was worded, but you get the idea. This really hit me hard. It's so true. I've met lots of people who fit into those two categories. So what do you do when your work gets in the way of what you feel you are supposed to do? This is my current dilemma, not in a huge way, but still something that's been bothering me. It's so frustrating. For the most part I feel like I have the best of both worlds. I have a great job, doing something I love that still allows me all nights, weekends, major holidays, and 10 weeks in the summer off to do the things I feel I was made for.

Now I'm asking for an extra day off. I realize that this is a lot to ask for given the amazing amount of time I already get off a year. Don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful for that time. It's just that this is something I feel very strongly I'm supposed to do. That's where the dilemma begins. There is no easy answer to this question, it's a lot to think about.

The stars aligned when I was born!

OK well maybe not, but I was definitely born at a good time. Why you ask? Well, because my birthday just happens to fall every year at the same time as Philadelphia Restaurant week! The best week ever. The week where really expensive restaurants all open their doors to us poor folk and charge less for really good food. It's awesome!!!

It has become a tradition for Allison and I. This year we are going to The Farmers Cabinet! I am very excited. Allison has been wanting to try it out for some time.

(For all you people out there who are longing for a night out in the city, don't be too jealous. Allison and I are like two old ladies. We go out to dinner around 6 and are back at her house by 9ish in our sweatpants watching a ridiculous movie while sewing or organizing something in her house! We really know how to live it up!)

A Lyrical Flub! Opps!

So tonight at church we did a new song...a great song. Great I Am

As usual when I started learning this song I typed up my own chord sheet so that the format would match my others sheets (I have OCD, what can I say!) I found the chords online and then cut and pasted them to a word document and formatted them to my liking. It looks beautiful and uniform now! When I was going through playing it I realized that some of the lyrics were not correct, they could not be correct, I hope to God they were incorrect! Two lines in the song had me puzzled.

1. "So heaven is real and death is alive."

Death is alive? How can death be alive...it's dead! That makes no sense!

2. "I want to see troubles living again."

What!?! Why would anyone want to see that? Put those troubles to bed and be done with them!

I immediately went to YouTube to listen to the song again. Hopefully my lip reading skills would help and I could figure out what was actually being sung. I have heard some crazy worship music lyrics but seriously, they're not even theologically correct.

After another listen I realized that the first mistaken line was actually "so heaven is real and death is a lie." Ahhhh, much better. I changed it on my sheet. But the second incorrect line was a bit more challenging. It seemed like he was singing "I want to see tribals living again." I wasn't really sure what that meant but there are tribes in the Bible so I figured it was just some biblical reference. I changed it, clicked print and went on my way.

When I got to church this afternoon we realized that the song wasn't in the slide index so I quickly typed in a new slide. Everything looked good, rehearsal was on it's way and everything was on schedule (or as close to on schedule as we ever are at BRV.) Jared was really excited about doing this new song. It's one of his favorites right now! After looking over my sheet he was able to identify the mystery lyric. It is actually supposed to say "I want to see dry bones living again." Thank God! That makes so much more sense!

The service started, people were singing, all was as it should be. We got to the last song, our new song, and we started singing. We got to the second verse and my heart sank. I never corrected the lyric on the slide. It still said tribals. Crap! It was a new song which meant that people were reading the lyrics closely. Kris was back at the sound booth. She noticed it too and immediately started laughing. Now I know that most people think church is serious and somber, but come on people. If somethings is funny, laugh at it. God wants us to have joy! I was up on stage, laughing. The looks on peoples faces...it was hysterical! Afterward several people commented on the new songs, everyone loved it, no one understood the line about tribals. I then had to admit my part in the lyric mix up. opps!

It just goes to show ya you can't believe everything you read on the Internet! If we did, tonight we would have been asking God to bring us more troubles and death, or even better...tribals!