Thursday, August 29, 2013

Exciting

Exciting is a term I have come to know the past few months.  Exciting is a Tindall term, and it doesn't always mean what you think it does.  In my mind exciting means something great, fantastic, or awesome, but for Tindall boys it can mean something completely different.  It's not always good.  Sometimes it can mean anything that causes you to become excitable.  In the eyes of these people some things they define as exciting are: surfing, car accidents, good food, surgery, surprises, fights, action movies, etc.  

Today, my life was exciting...

I began a trial process of botox injections in my face and neck to relieve muscle tension, headaches, and my overabundance of facial movement.  The Dr's aren't sure if it will work but their philosophy of "it's better to inject a medicine directly to the effected area then to have you take multiple pills that go throughout your entire blood stream causing you other multiple side effects" is one that I agree with and I was willing to give it a shot.  Shot being the key word for the day.  I went into this thinking I was would be getting 8 shots in my face and 4 in my neck.  I was excited about the end result this could produce but also excited (AKA nervous as heck!) about these needles.  I'm not one to be afraid of needles but when they're in my face it's a different story.  I had a dream earlier this week that my face twitched right as they gave me the injection and it got stuck that way permanently.  I decided I needed some support and since my mom was unable to attend, my dear friend Megan went with me.  We had quite an adventure... it was exciting.  

It started with me finding an awesome parking spot.  My car was barely smaller than the space and yet I was still able to parallel park in one back up and one pull forward!  (after I went around the block one more time because the guy super close behind me was making me nervous about parking.)  It was also less than a block from the office which in center city is nothing short of a miracle.  Then Megan so gracious provided the insane amount of quarters needed to park at a meter in center city.   I mean really, 10 minutes for one quarter, that ridiculous!

Once in the appointment I was first informed of all the possible things that could go wrong during this (which was a surprisingly short list compared to most medical procedures) and then came to find out, after a lot of awkward (on my end) staring at my face, that what was originally thought to be 8 injections would now be 16.  Yes... 16!!!!!  The Dr. plotted out each injection site on a computer face that showed all the muscles (and also looked freakishly like something out of The Terminator) and then it was go time.  I'm laying on the table and I grab Megan's hand.  Yes we actually held hands!  And apparently I have a very strong grip.  (It's OK, as an OB nurse, she has felt worse!)

This procedure was much more painful than I expected it to be and I can not believe that people would volunteer to do this for cosmetic reasons!  Who volunteers to get needles in their eyelids!?!  It will take a week or so to see if it worked.  Until then I play a waiting game.  The appointment was super fast.  I was in and out of there in an hour.  Another win for team Marti/Megan was coming out to the car and fining only 2 minutes left on the meter.  Ha!  Take that city of Philadelphia, no overpaying for your ridiculously priced parking here!

I was surprised by how much pain I was in after.  I felt like I had a headache just around my eyes and like I had terrible sinus pressure.  I came home, took Motrin and slept for the afternoon.  10 hours later the pressure is still there slightly but it's not painful, just noticeable.  I have a mild shiner from some of the needle spots but nothing major, just some small battle scars.  :)  I'm glad the initial experience is over.  My fear of the unknown has been put to rest.  Megan was hysterical, keeping me laughing through most of it, and loving the fact that she was able to witness the craziness.  My favorite of her quotes from the day were "you looked badass" and "there was a shit ton of injections happening!"

And I would love to give a shout out to my new doctor.  She is seriously awesome!  Not only does she seem like a real person that truly cares about her patients but she even brought a compact to work today so that I could see how I looked afterward.   It's been a long journey trying to find this new doctor and although the last year of drama with the office was terrible, I'm hoping that she will be with me for awhile.  I say 'with me' because I truly believe that's how medicine should be.  It's not about you going with them, it's them coming along side you in your journey.  

So yes, today was exciting: some ways good, some ways bad, and some ways crazy... 
but exciting none the less.  

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Introversion, Introspection... and maybe a little Narcism

These words may not all seem positive, but for me, they are the defining words of my summer, a good summer... no, a great summer!  These past 8 weeks have been unlike any other I've had in a long time.  For the first time I've had a true summer break.  I wasn't working, I wasn't looking for a job, and I wasn't recovering from surgery and all that that entails.  I've been deliberate, I've been relaxed and I've been selfish.  And I'm realizing that this is not always a bad thing.  

I love to serve people, it's one of the ways I love them.  I am always available for whatever needs to be done and often I will volunteer myself way past my energy or comfort level in order to love someone else.  In some ways it feeds me but drains me in others.  I love taking the time to make someone elses life easier, but often I forget about myself and my own needs in the process.  This summer I have taken a break from serving.  At first it was weird, but now I'm realizing that slowing down and taking care of yourself is the first step in being able to love others.  

As a "feeler" I'm constantly considering the thoughts and emotions of other people.  I always wonder about their hearts and their minds and how they are doing.  When I'm with people I know, I'm constantly taking the emotional temperature of the room and looking for ways to help others and to improve the mood if possible.  Again this activity is always for the sake of others and usually at the expense of my own self.  This summer I have removed myself from most of these situations.  

I am loyal.  If I love someone I will stand by their side no matter where they go.  I will walk with my people through dark times, being whatever they need, giving whatever they need, and spending myself for the sake of them.  This summer has been different.  Although I've still been this person, I've removed myself from a lot of unnecessary situations.  I've reserved my "darkness walks" for those select few, those whom I love and care for so deeply that to not be with them would be far worse than any darkness we would encounter together.  And in return I've come to realize that these people will and have done the same for me.  I've noticed, maybe for the first time, that I have also had people by my side this summer.  People who love me and will stick with me through anything.  People who have reminded me that taking care of myself is the first step in caring for others.  I've learned that these people are exempt from my introvertedness.  Being around them takes no energy.  It is a gift :)

I love sleeping.  This activity usually gets pushed to the side for the sake of other things during the year, but this summer I have slept (almost 8 hours each night!)  But I've also been very content with not oversleeping.  In the past I've exhausted myself to the point that when sleep comes, I stay that way for far too long.  I've also been known for sleeping a lot during the day as well.  Although I may have needed the sleep at first it often turns into a habit that causes me to feel as if I'm missing the life I was given.  Not this summer.  Aside from a few cat naps here and there I've been awake, experiencing life.

I've written lots of words this summer and it has been fantastic.  I've forgotten how much I love to write and I'm starting to realize that some of my words are very powerful.  This activity has helped me to process my own thoughts and has given me an outlet for stress and sadness.  It has helped me to look at the future through positive eyes and to realize that there is a great life out there waiting for me and all I have to do it live it.  

This summer I slept when I was tired, I ate when I was hungry (which is surprisingly less than I would have thought,) I cried when I was sad, I went on adventures, I took part in surprises, I loved my few select people and was loved back in return.  I've taken the time to admire beauty in the world.  I've learned that if I look up from my busy life every once in awhile there is beauty all around that is just waiting to be seen.  

If you asked me a year ago if waking up at 3:30am to drive to the beach for the sunrise sounded like a good idea I would have laughed at you.  But now I have learned that that is one of the greatest times ever to stand with your toes in the water, just looking out at the horizon.  (I definitely prefer it to any other time of day on the beach during the summer!)  

Next week I go back to work.  In some ways I'm looking forward to the routine again.  I love structure, it brings me peace.  But I'm also hopeful that some of my summer lessons will follow me into the school year.  I want to take better care of myself so that I have more to give to others.  I want to find a balance.  I want to be more relaxed, less stressed and more productive.  I want to spend more time with the people I love.  I want to go on more adventures.  I want to try new things.  (and maybe even eat some vegetables every once in awhile.)  

Sunset over the reservior
Early morning beach times
The great surprise!
Ocean adventures 

wedding attire

bringing out our inner child

Camping
Plane rides 

The best road sign EVER!!!!!
words...