Real: Introversion, Introspection... and maybe a little Narcism

These words may not all seem positive, but for me, they are the defining words of my summer, a good summer... no, a great summer! These past 8 weeks have been unlike any other I've had in a long time. For the first time I've had a true summer break. I wasn't working, I wasn't looking for a job, and I wasn't recovering from surgery and all that that entails. I've been deliberate, I've been relaxed and I've been selfish. And I'm realizing that this is not always a bad thing.

I love to serve people, it's one of the ways I love them. I am always available for whatever needs to be done and often I will volunteer myself way past my energy or comfort level in order to love someone else. In some ways it feeds me but drains me in others. I love taking the time to make someone elses life easier, but often I forget about myself and my own needs in the process. This summer I have taken a break from serving. At first it was weird, but now I'm realizing that slowing down and taking care of yourself is the first step in being able to love others.

As a "feeler" I'm constantly considering the thoughts and emotions of other people. I always wonder about their hearts and their minds and how they are doing. When I'm with people I know, I'm constantly taking the emotional temperature of the room and looking for ways to help others and to improve the mood if possible. Again this activity is always for the sake of others and usually at the expense of my own self. This summer I have removed myself from most of these situations.

I am loyal. If I love someone I will stand by their side no matter where they go. I will walk with my people through dark times, being whatever they need, giving whatever they need, and spending myself for the sake of them. This summer has been different. Although I've still been this person, I've removed myself from a lot of unnecessary situations. I've reserved my "darkness walks" for those select few, those whom I love and care for so deeply that to not be with them would be far worse than any darkness we would encounter together. And in return I've come to realize that these people will and have done the same for me. I've noticed, maybe for the first time, that I have also had people by my side this summer. People who love me and will stick with me through anything. People who have reminded me that taking care of myself is the first step in caring for others. I've learned that these people are exempt from my introvertedness. Being around them takes no energy. It is a gift :)

I love sleeping. This activity usually gets pushed to the side for the sake of other things during the year, but this summer I have slept (almost 8 hours each night!) But I've also been very content with not oversleeping. In the past I've exhausted myself to the point that when sleep comes, I stay that way for far too long. I've also been known for sleeping a lot during the day as well. Although I may have needed the sleep at first it often turns into a habit that causes me to feel as if I'm missing the life I was given. Not this summer. Aside from a few cat naps here and there I've been awake, experiencing life.

I've written lots of words this summer and it has been fantastic. I've forgotten how much I love to write and I'm starting to realize that some of my words are very powerful. This activity has helped me to process my own thoughts and has given me an outlet for stress and sadness. It has helped me to look at the future through positive eyes and to realize that there is a great life out there waiting for me and all I have to do it live it.

This summer I slept when I was tired, I ate when I was hungry (which is surprisingly less than I would have thought,) I cried when I was sad, I went on adventures, I took part in surprises, I loved my few select people and was loved back in return. I've taken the time to admire beauty in the world. I've learned that if I look up from my busy life every once in awhile there is beauty all around that is just waiting to be seen.

If you asked me a year ago if waking up at 3:30am to drive to the beach for the sunrise sounded like a good idea I would have laughed at you. But now I have learned that that is one of the greatest times ever to stand with your toes in the water, just looking out at the horizon. (I definitely prefer it to any other time of day on the beach during the summer!)

Next week I go back to work. In some ways I'm looking forward to the routine again. I love structure, it brings me peace. But I'm also hopeful that some of my summer lessons will follow me into the school year. I want to take better care of myself so that I have more to give to others. I want to find a balance. I want to be more relaxed, less stressed and more productive. I want to spend more time with the people I love. I want to go on more adventures. I want to try new things. (and maybe even eat some vegetables every once in awhile.)