Brainwashing...

There has been a video circling through Facebook the past few days.  I saw the title and was skeptical but so many people had posted it so I gave a listen.  (If you have yet to hear it feel free to click the link below and give a listen.)

My Parents Brainwashed Me

Although I understand the motive behind this particular young man's words and what his heart is trying to convey, I'm struggling with the title and the issues that have been stirred up in my heart because of the many responses I've read.  I am a Christian and I am approaching this from the Christian perspective and the things I've seen in the lives of those around me based on this topic.  My posts are not usually this religious based so I apologize in advance.  :)  I'm also having a extremely difficult time organizing my thoughts on this topic so please excuse me if this post seems a little more dis-jointed than most.  

I think there is a fine line between teaching your children how to think verses teaching them what to think.  I believe the former is something that gives children tools they can use all throughout their lives while the latter can be so damaging.  I've seen more 20 somethings then I would like who get to that point in their lives where they are no longer living in the parents home, under their rules and beliefs, fall apart because of this very thing: they were not taught how to think and instead were instructed what to think.  I've always struggled with the verse "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it."  I struggle with the word 'train.'  In my mind I've always thought 'you train a dog, you teach a person.'  Training a dog is teaching them exactly how you want them to act and getting them to respond on command when you say so.  Why would we want our children to be like this.  Why would we want a "stepford church" that does what it's told and has pre-programed responses to all things without any personal thought behind them.  Where is there even room for God in that?  (Don't get me wrong, I know there a others ways to interpret this passage then the one I just provided, my concern is with people who do interpret it like this and the damage that can lead to.)

I find it very sad to see people reach that point in their lives where they have left the nest and are able to sore, only to find that they have been so sheltered up to this point that they freeze like a dear in he headlights, realizing that there a huge parts of humanity they know nothing about.  I've seen more people question their faith at this point in their lives than any other.  To be honest I don't blame them.  The Christian church stands on the premise that each person must make the decision to follow god on their own accord, but how can someone truly follow something without the knowledge of their options?  In order to qualify something as a belief has to come with the counter part that you are choosing to believe even though there is a possibility that it could not be true.  We could all be wrong.  That is what makes a belief a belief.  

I consider myself lucky to have grown up in a home where beliefs were not taught, but rather encouraged.  I consider myself lucky to have gone to a public school where I had the opportunity to learn about multiple world religions.  I consider myself lucky to have family who loves me, although we don't always see 100% eye-to-eye on what we believe, there is freedom to make our own choices.  When the time came for me to choose what I believe, I felt as though I had all the tools and information I needed to form my own opinions and decide for myself.  

I have more friends than I would like who were raised in Christian homes and abandoned those beliefs once leaving the nest.  It saddens me to see young adults working through emotions and social situation that most people I know (myself included) went through in their pre-teen or teenage years.  And the way the Church responds can be even worse.  I've seen a lot of impatience with these people.  I've heard things like "they know better," "they're just going through a phase," and "why are they being so stupid."

Although I know this young man used the word "brainwashed" as a satire to make his point, I can't help but think of people who have truly felt this way and how hurt they have been from the responses of others.  It has been my experience that people in this situation need space.  Space to learn how they actually feel about various things and time to learn how their brain works through these things.  They need people to give them time to work through it on their own without people constantly giving them their opinion of what they think they should believe.  And most importantly they need unconditional love.  Love that is not dependent on what they believe and the knowledge that that love will still be there even if we never reach a place where our beliefs are similar.  

Please don't take my frustration as judgement for those who liked this video or judgement towards parents.  I understand that everyone raises there children in different ways and I have no right to criticize or judge their choices, my only concern is how we as a church can care for young adults going through the process of leaving the nest and what kind of love and support is best in helping them to become the individuals that I now God wants them to be.    

Bittersweet...

There is a house on Baltimore Pike in Media, it's not a fancy house, it's not even a "nice" house and I bet there are people who have driven past this house every day and never even noticed it, but for me it is a house of memories.  On the outside it was nothing special; dirty white siding, overgrown weeds, an old boat in the driveway... but the inside was the most alive and vibrant home I've ever seen.  I'd never been inside a house that had such color before.  The walls were nothing short of a series of stories  which told of the joy, the laughter and the love that took place inside.  

Deep Cranberry, Bright Yellow, Bold Purple...

This was Michelle's house and the influence that she had on me goes so much deeper than the vibrant colors I have meticulously placed on the walls of every home I have lived in since.  The walls of her home were nothing more than a reflection of her own heart; joy filled, vibrant, real, and inviting.  This morning, as I learned of her passing I just keep thinking of that house.  It was a more than a house... for some it was a place of joy and friendship, for some a place or rest, for some a place of learning, for some a place of transition, and for others a place of refuge.  It is what happens when you turn a building with walls, a ceiling and a floor, into a living breathing thing where God dwells and everyone within has more peace.  It is what I strive for with my own home.  

If I had the time (and you had the desire to read this for 2 more hours) I would list all of the others ways that "Shelly" has influenced my life.  But that list is way too long for the provided character spaces this fictitious home called the internet provides.  

Many people have heard me say how much I love Jewish funerals.  (Stay with me for a minute, I promise this will make sense and I apologize in advance to any of my Jewish friends who reads this because I'm sure to get some of the details incorrect.)  

I've never seen a more real, raw account of people honoring a loved one lost than at a Jewish funeral.  Living in America today so much time is spent repressing emotions.  Many believe emotion is a sign of weakness and therefore when something sad happens we are programmed to hold it together, get through it and move on.  In the Jewish faith not only are people given the opportunity to mourn, but they are directly instructed to do so.  There is no need to hold back tears, to look exactly how you feel and to lean on each other during this time.  What a beautiful thing that is.  Although there is joy in the fact that the person is no longer suffering it does not cancel out our own grief that they are no longer with us, and therefor mourning is important and valued.  

Today I mourn.

The Jewish faith believes that our bodies are sacred vessels used by God and that when a person dies there soul passes on and the body; the vessel is all that's left to bury.  With this faith being so geared toward serving one another in need, they believe that the greatest act of service you can do for another person is to bury their body because it is the only act of service that the person can never repay.  There are few things I've seen as moving as a group of people in their best clothes, in the rain, covered in mud as they shovel mounds and mounds of dirt onto the casket in the ground.  There is something so real about it.  This is not a ceremony, it is not rehearsed, there is no pretty back drop set up for the occasions, there is no fake grass on the ground to cover up what is actually happening.  It's real, it's raw, there are tears, there is sweat, it is hard work and it is beautiful.  

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but beauty isn't always easy to look at.  Sometimes it is painful, scary and broken; but because you are seeing it with your own soul, witnessing imperfections of life right before you, it is beautiful simply because it is... and how much better are we for having experienced it.

Michelle, if the laws of Pennsylvania allowed me to, I would serve you in this way.