Provisions

Provision: The act or process of providing.


Often when I think of the word provision I think of the basics of life; food, water, shelter, clothing, etc. When I think of myself and what I would consider "provisions" for my current life I would list rent, utilities, food, car, and medical bills.  


3 months ago leaving my job and trusting God to provide for me included all of the above.  I trusted that God would not leave me hungry and homeless with no transportation while drowning in a sea of medical debt.  So far it has worked out, my bills are paid, I'm not starving, and I have not been sick.  But the reality of a life where I have enough to just barely get by has been weighing on me.  What kind of life will this be.  Sure I'll have everything that I absolutely need, but there will be nothing left to actually enjoy life.  Nothing left to enjoy my favorite things of life and all that this world has to offer.  I then came to this startling realization...


My faith is so small!


Why wouldn't I believe that God will provide an abundant life for me.  Why wouldn't I believe that God loves and cares about me enough to let me have fun.  Why wouldn't I believe in a God that wants me to splurge every once and awhile for the pure joy and peace that it will provide for my soul.  And yet this is how I've been thinking up until recently.  


But the more I trust, the more I see how much deeper these "provisions" go.  I love coffee, I also love going to my favorite coffee shop and just relaxing.  When I have free time during the day I like to spend it there.  Recently I seem to have an over abundance of free time.  The downfall is that going to Burlap means I spend money on coffee.  Money which in my mind will only stretch far enough to ration the basic foods so I won't starve while also paying my bills.  But somehow through a variety of circumstances over the past week I have received over $50 in Burlap and Bean gift cards.  Gods provision for my favorite spot of relaxation.  


I also love music.  Many weekend nights I am out at various shows (usually at the above mentioned venue) listing to live music.  The problem again arises when I realize that these shows cost money, money with which I am to save for the soon to arrive catastrophe which will of corse come, completely wiping out my bank account.  But the realization occurs to me, B&B gif cards can buy show tickets as well.  


Twice this week I went, had coffee and read a book without spending any money.  Tonight I went to a show, a show that I was very excited about and that blessed my soul more than anything else this entire week.  After, one of the artists was selling CD's.  I wanted one, but again, a frivolous waste of money that should be saved for my next hospitalization that will cost me thousands of dollars.  I could not possibly tap into my bank account for...MUSIC.  Except that I was unexpectedly paid for a wedding I played at earlier today.  That combined with fantastic friends that will split the cost with me for this purchase, allowed me to spend a few dollars on something that will provide hours on beauty for my ears.  


Hmmm... provide.  


I can feel my faith growing.  Maybe this life of trusting will provide me with more than just sustainability, but also with joy.  Next week I'm going away for a conference.  I will be 2 hours away from a place that I have wanted to go back and visit for 6 years now.  And so without weighing my vast amount of cons of spending money on a room, I have decided that I will be spending 2 days in Canada.  2 days of relaxing, reading book, and playing guitar with nothing but the amazing water falls of Niagara as my companion.  It is a splurge, but one that can't be passed up.  When is the next time that I will be only 2 hours from this place?  When is the next time that I will have time to do this?  And so I will go, trusting that this money I've spent is not a waste, but another way God is allowing me to enjoy the amazing things that he has created and provided for me. 


The story of my current state with Health Insurance is still being written and as of today I have no idea how it will end.  One thing I do know, if God cares enough to provide and night of joy filled with music and friends, he will take care of the bigger things too.